i would one night stand the shit outta him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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