I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
