I got chris browned last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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