I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
