i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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