I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize