Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
