I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
