We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
