I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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