Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
