if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
