Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
