I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
