do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize