You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
