Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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