I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
