There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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