no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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