there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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