Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
