bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize