Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
