Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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