The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize