Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
