If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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