Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
