Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
