According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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