Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
