the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
