It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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