Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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