There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
