dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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