Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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