I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
