Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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