Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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