oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
