my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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