Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
