i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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