Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize