dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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