Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I died a long time ago.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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