I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
