I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
