somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
