I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
