I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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