I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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