Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
