the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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