My cat gives me a boner
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
