Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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