so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize