Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
