I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
