I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
