Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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