SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
