kristin has been a bad kristin
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
