My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ttyl tear gas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
