I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
