Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
