I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize