I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
