I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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