wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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