Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
