WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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