Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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