Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
