WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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