I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
