Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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